DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
