No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
