Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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