i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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