i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
