I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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