I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dear god my vagina.
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