I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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