The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
