Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
