Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Where are you guys?
Drunk
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
