Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
