Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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