so that wasnt chicken after all
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
