cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
