the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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