Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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