Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
