I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
