this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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