The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize