In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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