Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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