Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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