Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
