Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
