So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize