I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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