There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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