Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
