I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
