What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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