Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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