Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
