i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
