just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
