So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
