All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
