Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
