i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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