Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
