i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
