just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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