Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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