I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
