Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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