it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
