Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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