can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
