ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dear god my vagina.
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