Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
