Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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