Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
