You're my little dorito
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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