He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
