would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
