She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
