better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
