ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
