AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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