I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
