last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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