we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
