Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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