ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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