Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
