dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
