you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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